if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
