Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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