You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
