the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
