If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
