If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
