you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize