you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
