Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
