nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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