I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize