dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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