I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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