friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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