you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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