worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
