Got a toothbrush?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
