the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
