i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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