i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
