Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
