they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
