i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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