i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
