Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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