YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
