u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
