I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
