Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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