Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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