Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
