my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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