I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
