are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
