it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize