First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
