My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
