My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Drunk is not a location!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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