Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
