Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
