You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
