we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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