I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
