Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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