dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
