So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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