Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
