i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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