i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Fuck appropriateness.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
