ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
