Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
