Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
