I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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