My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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