on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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