i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
