She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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