watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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