Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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