Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize