I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
