So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize