i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
