Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Me too!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
