how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
