you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize