I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
