im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
