She said her name was "party"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
