Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
