im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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