When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
