I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
