they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
