I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
