his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize