our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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