When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
